sdffsd

0:01
Where is she? Where is she? Oh, hey, I
0:04
have a question. Where is she? Oh,
0:06
Chandler's Chandler. She'll be here.
0:12
Oh. Oh. Oh, that's her.
0:14
Yeah, cuz life's just that kind.
0:18
You got to stop staring at the door.
0:20
It's like a watched pot. You know, if
0:22
you keep looking at it, then the door is
0:24
never going to boil.
0:26
I think what you have to do is try not
0:28
to.
0:35
Oh my god.
0:39
Oh
0:41
my
0:43
god.
0:47
[Laughter]
0:54
Oh my god.
0:58
Can't believe I'm getting my nails done.
1:00
And you said it was going to be fun,
1:03
which kind of is.
1:05
Also, you said there were going to be
1:07
other guys here. There are no other guys
1:08
here.
1:09
Jer, there's a guy right over there.
1:12
That's a mailman.
1:14
That's our mailman.
1:17
Hi. How are you,
1:23
Taylor? Don't worry. This doesn't make
1:24
you any less of a guy.
1:27
That does.
1:30
What am I sitting on?
1:34
I'd hate to think what this woman was
1:36
scratching when this broke off.
1:39
Hey, you know who used to have nails
1:40
like that?
1:41
Oh my god.
1:47
This room's available. Okay. Okay. Wait.
1:49
You listen to me. You listen to me.
1:50
Since I have been waiting, four women,
1:53
that's four, one higher than the number
1:55
of centimeters that I am dilated, have
1:57
come and gone with their babies. I'm
2:00
next. It's my turn. It's only fair. And
2:03
if you bring in one more woman and she
2:04
has her baby before me, I'm going to sue
2:06
you.
2:08
Not this hospital. I'm going to sue you.
2:10
And my husband, he is a lawyer.
2:12
Oh, right.
2:13
Don't get back on that case, honey.
2:17
I don't think the next patient is very
2:18
far along. Okay. Well, then bring her
2:21
in.
2:32
Oh my
2:35
god.
2:36
[Applause]
2:43
[Music]
2:44
[Applause]
2:50
I can't believe this.
2:56
And yet somehow it's true.
3:01
I mean, this is so great. We're going to
3:03
be baby buddies.
3:08
Squeeze your legs together and cover the
3:09
baby's ears.
3:12
Sweetie.
3:13
Hi.
3:14
Hi, sweetheart. This is my husband, Sid.
3:16
I don't think you've met him. Ross
3:17
Rachel. This is Sid. I nabbed him a year
3:20
ago at the dermatologist's office. Thank
3:22
God for adult acne. Huh?
3:25
I still can't believe it. I'm the
3:27
luckiest guy in the world.
3:29
Really?
3:32
What'd he say?
3:33
You know what? You have to speak very
3:34
loudly when you're talking to Sid cuz
3:36
he's almost completely deaf.
3:38
Oh, there you go.
3:40
I'm telling you something's wrong. My
3:42
brother does not stay out all night.
3:44
Maybe we should check the trash shoot.
3:48
Ross couldn't fit down the trash shoot.
3:50
That's right. He almost could,
3:53
which is exactly how I got stuck there.
3:57
Hey, God.
4:01
Where the hell have you been?
4:03
Just, you know, out.
4:05
Oh, out. Oh, God. I don't know why we
4:08
didn't think to check there.
4:11
What were you doing? I uh I went to a
4:13
bar and then I just uh just walked
4:17
around for a while.
4:19
You walked around all night in the city
4:21
by yourself.
4:24
He hooked up.
4:27
He hooked up with someone.
4:28
Look, I don't have to answer your
4:30
questions, okay? I'm a big boy. I can do
4:32
whatever I want.
4:33
He hooked up.
4:37
Tell us about her.
4:40
Ross, you left your scarf in.
4:43
[Applause]
4:49
Hey, you guys.
4:54
[Music]
4:57
Okay. Okay. I know what you all are
5:00
thinking, but Chandler is in Yemen.
5:04
I'm a young woman. I have needs. I can't
5:06
wait forever.
5:08
Yeah, I know. Oh, that's what I was
5:09
thinking.
5:12
So, I'm asking you, please just take a
5:14
moment before you judge me.
5:16
Oh, nobody's judging you.
5:19
Oh, okay. You missed the right place at
5:23
the right time.
5:26
Call me.
5:27
[Music]
5:36
Okay, look. I I know what you guys are
5:38
going to say.
5:38
You two would have very hairy children.
5:43
Okay. I didn't know you would say that.
5:46
Ross Janice.
5:48
All right. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
5:50
This is Ross. Okay. He's our friend. He
5:54
obviously went crazy. Obviously lost his
5:57
mind.
5:58
I didn't lose my mind. Okay. Janice and
6:01
I have a lot in common. We've we've both
6:03
been divorced. We We both have kids.
6:06
So, are you actually going to see her
6:08
again?
6:08
Phoebe, don't put ideas in his head.
6:10
I am going to see her again.
6:12
Damn it, Phoebe.
6:18
How do I look?
6:19
Oh, um, I don't care.
6:26
There's Lorraine. Okay, now remember, no
6:28
trading. You get the pretty one, I get
6:30
the mess.
6:32
Hi, Joey. Hey.
6:36
Well, well, look what you brought. Very
6:40
nice.
6:42
And what did you bring?
6:46
She's checking her coat. Joey, I'm going
6:49
to go wash the cab smell off my hands.
6:52
Will you get me a white Zinfendel and a
6:53
glass of red for Janice?
7:00
Janice.
7:03
Janice.
7:06
Oh my
7:09
god.
7:12
[Applause]
7:14
Hey, it's British.
7:17
[Music]
7:22
Okay, I'm making a break for it. I'm
7:24
going out the window.
7:25
No, no, no. Don't. Please. Look, I've
7:27
been waiting for like forever to go out
7:29
with Lorraine. Just calm down. Calm
7:32
down. Calm down. You set me up with a
7:33
woman I've dumped twice in the last five
7:35
months. Hey,
7:38
can you stop yelling? You're making me
7:40
nervous. And
7:45
I can't go when I'm nervous.
7:48
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right.
7:54
Come on. Do it. Do it. Come on.
8:04
You know, ever since I was little, I've
8:07
been able to pick up quarters with my
8:09
toes.
8:11
Yeah. Good for you.
8:15
Uh quarters or rolls of quarters?
8:25
By the way, Chandler, I cut you out of
8:28
all my pictures. So, if you want, I have
8:30
a bag with just your heads.
8:34
That's okay.
8:36
Are you sure? Really? Because you know,
8:38
you could make little puppets out of
8:40
them and you could use them in your
8:41
theater of cruelty.
8:46
We can't do that.
8:49
What? What can't you do?
8:53
Uh, can I talk to you for a second over
8:56
there?
9:02
Uh,
9:04
we might be leaving now.
9:07
Tell me it's you and me. We
9:10
said she wants to slather my body with
9:12
stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even
9:15
sure what slathering is.
9:17
But I definitely want to be a part of
9:19
it.
9:21
Okay. You cannot do this to me.
9:25
You're right. I'm sorry. You're right.
9:27
Okay.
9:28
Uh, can we have three chocolate mouses
9:30
to go, please?
9:33
I'm out of here.
9:36
Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me.
9:38
I'm sorry, Chandler. I hope she throws
9:41
up on you.
9:45
Thanks.
9:48
So,
9:50
just us.
9:51
Oh, what a crappy night.
9:54
Although I have enjoyed the fact that uh
9:57
your shirt's been sticking out of your
9:58
zipper ever since you came back from the
10:00
bathroom.
10:04
[Laughter]
10:06
Excuse me.
10:11
How you doing?
10:18
So, do we have the best friends or what?
10:21
Joey's not a friend. He's
10:24
[Music]
10:26
a stupid man who left us his credit
10:28
card.
10:31
Another drink, some dessert, a big
10:32
screen TV.
10:34
I will go for that drink.
10:36
You got it, good woman.
10:38
[Laughter]
10:43
Can we get a bottle of your most
10:44
overpriced champagne?
10:46
Each.
10:47
That's right. Each. Oh, and a Robroy.
10:50
I've always wanted to know.
10:53
[Music]
11:11
Happy Valentine's
11:14
Day.
11:20
She sent the chicken back again.
11:22
She said it's too dry now and she wants
11:24
to come back here and explain to you
11:25
exactly how she wants.
11:27
Well, fine. I'd like to meet this
11:28
chicken expert. Send the colonel in.
11:36
Oh my god.
11:42
Lucky bastard.
11:45
Janice,
11:46
how are you? Miss hot shot chef at the
11:49
big fancy restaurant with the best
11:51
chicken ever.
11:55
I'm fine.
11:57
Oh, what is that on your finger? I'm
12:00
blind.
12:03
Um, so who's the lucky guy?
12:09
Oh my god,
12:12
I am so sorry, sweetie. Are you okay?
12:18
You didn't tell her we're getting
12:19
married, did you?
12:20
Well, she saw the ring.
12:21
Did she freak out?
12:23
Well, she was shocked when I told her,
12:24
but then again, so were most people,
12:26
right?
12:28
Well, she actually has a boyfriend, you
12:30
know, herself. Name's Clark. Uh, she
12:33
also kind of invited herself to our
12:35
wedding. Clark, too.
12:39
You said no, right?
12:42
Huh?
12:45
You said no, right?
12:47
Well, she cornered me and she asked me
12:49
if the wedding was in town. I mean, what
12:50
was I supposed to do?
12:51
Why?
12:54
How odd is that? Your checks in the
12:56
mail. Oh, your baby is so cute. I I
13:00
can't wait to read your book, Ross.
13:04
Well, and so she comes to the wedding.
13:06
Maybe it won't be so bad.
13:08
Well, do you think she's just going to
13:09
sit there quietly? You don't think she's
13:11
going to want to make a toast? You don't
13:12
think she's going to want to grab the
13:14
microphone and sing part-time lover?
13:16
Oh my god. She's not going to like the
13:18
chicken that night, either, is she?
13:23
You know what? It's going to be okay.
13:26
You know what? She's probably not going
13:27
to even want to come.
13:28
Really?
13:29
No, that was a lie.
13:32
See how easy that was?
13:35
So So you would have just lied?
13:38
Yes. Would it have it really been that
13:41
easy?
13:42
Yes.
13:44
Good. So, do it Saturday night cuz we're
13:45
going to dinner with her and Clark.
13:50
[Music]
13:51
I have a weird feeling about this place.
13:53
I mean, how do I know they're not going
13:55
to secretly videotape me and put it all
13:56
over the internet?
14:00
Because, honey, and I I mean this in the
14:02
sweetest way possible. Nobody's going to
14:05
want to watch that,
14:08
Mr. Bing, here you are. You'll go into
14:11
that room and deposit your specimen into
14:13
the container.
14:13
Deposit my specimen? You know, I usually
14:15
have to call a 900 number for that kind
14:17
of talk.
14:23
Thanks. Got it.
14:25
All right, honey. My tests are down the
14:27
hall. You sure you're going to be okay?
14:30
Yeah, I guess. Look,
14:32
I know this is embarrassing, but nobody
14:33
cares. No one here even knows you.
14:39
Oh my god.
14:43
[Applause]
14:46
Oh, come on.
14:49
[Applause]
14:50
[Music]
14:53
[Laughter]
14:55
How great is this? Yeah, we're probably
14:58
fertile. Let's go home.
15:04
Why are you here? Well, Sid and I are
15:06
trying again, and we had trouble last
15:07
time because apparently
15:08
No, no. I mean, why? Why is she here?
15:13
Oh, someone's a little cranky today cuz
15:15
they have to do it in a cup.
15:18
Oh, they gave you the kitty size.
15:23
What?
15:28
This was fun, but I've got an invasive
15:30
vaginal exam to get to.
15:34
I'd love to stay, but I've uh got a hot
15:37
date.
15:37
Please go. Just let me know if you need
15:40
a hand.
15:47
I think it just fell off.
15:48
Are we going to have a bidding war? I
15:50
better warn you. I'm a toughy.
15:52
Don't Don't
15:54
No, actually, we are buying the house
15:56
next door.
15:58
Why?
16:02
I don't know why. Oh, that decides it
16:06
then. I was on the fence, but knowing
16:08
that you two would be our neighbors, now
16:11
we have to get it. Ellen, we're going to
16:14
talk numbers.
16:20
This cannot be happening.
16:22
Okay, the realtor said another couple
16:24
made an offer. Maybe the Janises won't
16:26
get it.
16:28
Maybe the other couple will. The only
16:30
way that that is going to happen is if
16:32
the other couple are the Hitlers.
16:37
Okay. Okay. All right. What if we get
16:39
both houses? Huh? We can turn this house
16:41
into a guest house.
16:42
That's a great idea. And by the way, I
16:44
don't mean to sound distasteful, but
16:46
when did you start crapping money?
16:50
Okay, you come up with an idea.
16:52
All right. All right. All right. We
16:52
still got 3 hours until escrow closes on
16:54
our house. We can still get out.
16:57
But we love our house. Well, we love it
16:59
so much with her next door. And she's
17:00
going to be louder out here, too. Just
17:02
the just the crickets and Oh my god.
17:07
Okay. But if we don't get this house,
17:09
she's still going to show up wherever we
17:10
go. I mean, at least if she's here, it
17:12
eliminates the element of surprise. I
17:14
mean, never again will you have to hear
17:15
the three words that make your balls
17:17
jump back up inside your body.
17:20
[Laughter]
17:25
Well, we have to do something. We can't
17:27
have her living next door.
17:33
Oh, that does it, too.
17:39
[Music]